A new beginning.

I feel as though who i am is changing, for the good, but changing none the less. I guess I'm finally growing up, becoming who i will be fore the rest of my life. Unless thats what life is, changing, growing, understanding. I don't know and I may never understand it, but I sure love living it.

I am writing this during one of my many breaks of painting my room. I needed a place of my own that was clean and organized, somewhere i could sit down and read and reflect on all the things buzzing around my mind. I need a place that has been crafted by my two hands, a place made with hours of my time and hard work. I don't think my room will ever really be "finished" it will always be something I am adding to and improving. My room is a perfect example of my life, I don't think I'll ever stop learning or understanding or seeking answers. I want to always be questioning, thinking and taking in everything around me.

So far thats all the thoughts I've spent on the matter. Im sure once I come up with more to say I'll write it down before i forget!

with much love,

Emily

Hi, my name is Emily and I'm a sinner.

The title says it all. I'm a sinner, and a rather big one at that. Even though I easily proclaim my self as a "Christian" I've read more about what people have to say about Christ today than what Christ himself said. I am how ever willing to admit that, and i guess thats better than nothing.

Okay so lets break down my thought for a second, that is if your willing to step into the mind of a loudmouth, emotional teenage girl for just a minute? Lets start with the term "Christians." According to ABC news, ( http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/dailynews/beliefnet_poll_010718.html ) 83% of americans are "Christians." Did you just shake your head in disagreement after reading that? Yeah, that amount seams a little high to me too, considering that a fair number of the "christians" I've met only claim that because thats what their parents raised them to say. What does the word Christian even mean any more? The very first time the word " Christian" was used is found in Acts 11:26 ( and thats the answer that wikipedia gave me http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian#Early_usage ) the verse goes on to say "and when he found him, he brought him to Antioch. So for a whole year Barnabas and Saul met with the church and taught great numbers of people. The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch." Now at the time this was written Christ had already ascended to heaven, I don't know if you who are reading this believe that or not, and I can a sure you that I mean this blog to be readable by everyone, even those who have different beliefs. so please just keep reading and hear the whole point I'm trying to make. In Acts 11:26 everything that is taking place is without the physical presents of Christ, which tells us that some one else, I'm guessing paul, gave the disciples the name "christians." My first thought was, I wonder what Jesus would have had to say about this? Honestly I think Jesus was to humble to ever name a movement as popular as Christianity after himself (even though he was the one that started it). I think, and you'll have to forgive me, because I very well may be wrong, But if Jesus was to give a name to those who desired to follow him, act like him and love humanity like him, he would have called them lovers, forgivers or even peacemakers. But thats not exactly the thoughts and feelings that comes to mind when you think 85% of Americans are "Christians" right?

Have you ever played the game telephone? Where one person whispers to another person and they whisper what they hear to the next person and so on an at the end you find out everyone has a different story. I think thats what happened, whether you are a believer in Christ or you are a scholar who finds the words of Jesus to be wise or neither, I think we can all agree it's easy to get confused in what he meant. it seams pretty apparent that there is a lot of contradiction between the loving, peaceful words Jesus spoke and the angry, yelling "Christians" you see protesting on the news.

To anyone who has ever had a Christian say something hurtful about you i just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that when you needed a friend, we turned our back. I'm sorry that when you needed someone to listen, we couldn't stop preaching. I'm sorry that when something bad happened to you we didn't do everything we could to help. I'm sorry to everyone I ever hurt. I hope that you would some day be able to forgive me for what I did, but more so i hope that what ever wound I may have made doesn't turn you away from the love that so many good people want to show you.

I pray this blog finds you well, and I ask that you take just a second out of your day to show love to someone who needs it.

From the bottom of my heart.

Emily

better late than never?

I'm trying to star blogging again. I have missed it so much, even tho it's pretty one sided. I feel like I'm talking to a mirror. it's sad to say but i have nothing worth typing today, so i guess this is simply a short "hello" and I will see you soon ; D

Emily

an unholy hour.

Though it may not be obvious to those of you who have never met me, i have relapsed. I once was quiet motivated. I woke up early. I didn't head head straight for the computer. I even opened the window and let the warm sunlight in. Those day are long gone. Now i simple cant sleep, so i spend my time surfing the web, only to find meaning less time wasters. well, now it's time. I'm using this blog to hopefully hold me accountable. this blog is my faceless name less nag-less (hopefully)accountability partner.

Today, i gathered together all my lose magazine pages that i have collected over the years, and am currently in the long boring process of filling them and organizing them to create the perfect handbook of everything I as a woman want and need to know. containing everything from Beauty, heath, home decorating, tips for every day life and even those encouraging articles that help to boost your self esteem and let you know that your not alone.... yeah i read those ones a lot. So at least for tonight, i felt like i accomplished something. Small goals right? well that's what this was for me, a small victory. Hopefully more of those to come...hopefully

much love

Emily

yum.

I have taken up cooking. reading over some of my old blogs i realized i misspelled my name. I've had a busy day. My dog is laying next to my making odd sounds as she sleeps. i want bologna, but sadly we are out. I want a hug, but suddenly people are gone. summery, I love my life. i wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm not going to go watch TV thank you internet world. sleep well

LOVE EMILY

in need of a chocolate cake!

Ignoring my blog i can honestly say has only brought disappointment in my own mind. i have been having a lack of inspiration the past few months thanks to TV and the ever popular internet. well i say "NO MORE!" last night i began to clean my room. the cleaner it is the more focused i become. I've started a fast from most of my stuff, since i am to attached to just throw it away which is the first of my problems, but it is a problem i can box away and forget about for a year or two as long as i don't fill that void with more stuff ( which I'm not planning on doing). Well I'm off to bake a cake. I've never been a big fan of baking, cooking or whatever else there is, but i just feel a calling to it today. i hope i don't burn my house down. later and marry christmas

LOVE EMILY

small highlights from my messed up day

never did i think i would hear the harsh words of someone hated hypocrisy as much as me, yet there it was. alot of " you hypocrites" for a guy who's all about the love he wasn't to afraid to tell it like it is in a way so advanced you probably  wouldn't even know he was talking about you.

what and interesting day. pouring a small part of my heart out to someone who says they care but shows as much care as an Amish woman shows ankle. ( see i can make amish jokes and they wont even notice cause its the internet lol) kidding. i love the Amish. they live in the hardest ways yet they make it so simple, i love it.  ANYWAYS poured my heart out about how heart broken i was by the way people had treated me, and it only made me feel worse when this person never say anything near " well i made you feel hurt in any way I'm sorry" nope all i got was an " well people DO care about you" people can care about me till the cows come home honey, but if I'm in such a bad place in my life that i'm so upset i cant see that, maybe your not caring enough, cause all you do is walk around telling those who are fine that they're perfect. why don't we as the body reach out to those who haven't heard the good news? and encourage and  strengthen those who have heard the good news but need a little help along the way. doing more than just acting like your perfect and if you don't act the same way God probably wont let you in to heaven.    

 News flash. we can have faith to move mountains, we can speak in the tongues of men and of angels, we can sell everything we have and give it to the poor, we can work miracles and all kinda of prophecies, BUT if we don't have love, it's nothing!

spread the love to those how need it, dont just save it all up for yourself

spread the love to those who need to hear it, even if that means you dont feel any at all. trust me it's hard but at least you know your living it out the way we where told to.

             Emiyl